After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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