Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Operation Purity has been aborted
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
