It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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