i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm too high and old for this...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
