I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
