Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
