Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
