i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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