I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
