Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
