so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
