Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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