You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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