i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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