I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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