Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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