I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
