I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
