I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize
