I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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