wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize