I wish I only lived at night.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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