woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize