'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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