Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize