she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
