I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
