ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
