He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
