sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
