Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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