Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
