Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
