Pappa wants mamma naked
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
