if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
