Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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