areolas are like halos for boobs.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
