you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Come see our sink grown plant.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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