I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella