I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics