There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
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It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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