i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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