he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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