dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
