i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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