I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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