either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
