Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
