I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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