Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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