Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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