I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
