he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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