What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
