I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
