you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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