Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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