There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
