I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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