I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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