You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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