if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
