Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes

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  (407): I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes http://tfl.nu/atny
  Replies (1) Good night (583) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.

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  (512): I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck. http://tfl.nu/pefb
  Replies (8) Good night (1382) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?

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  (617): My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned? http://tfl.nu/bm6r
  Replies (125) Good night (7598) Bad night (2390) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.

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  (972): some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance. http://tfl.nu/2gcf
  Replies (32) Good night (13400) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?

  (1-251): View more from Alabama

  Why are you in my underwear drawer?

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  (251): Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer? (1-251): Why are you in my underwear drawer? http://tfl.nu/y2d4
  Replies (15) Good night (4520) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked

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  (607): Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked http://tfl.nu/f67s
  Replies (25) Good night (4815) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?

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  (617): I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks? http://tfl.nu/26q7
  Replies (55) Good night (2019) Bad night (6444) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake

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  (214): I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake http://tfl.nu/be1r
  Replies (4) Good night (3373) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up

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  (905): She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up http://tfl.nu/duhi
  Replies (25) Good night (4009) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning

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  (516): She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning http://tfl.nu/jaay
  Replies (12) Good night (1601) Bad night (6565) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.

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  (616): Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless. http://tfl.nu/4zx2
  Replies (9) Good night (811) Bad night (2080) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.

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  (831): oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK. http://tfl.nu/xtip
  Replies (12) Good night (515) Bad night (1949) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.

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  (419): When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all. http://tfl.nu/xpv5
  Replies (7) Good night (1423) Bad night (377)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.

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  (717): Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers. http://tfl.nu/8bi9
  Replies (6) Good night (1143) Bad night (335) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!

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  (410): She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success! http://tfl.nu/k1zi
  Replies (10) Good night (1601) Bad night (404)

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